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Eventually always means never.

Sometimes I cry because I feel like feelings just keep building up inside of me, and I don’t know who to tell or how to tell them. I feel like I have a disorder where I let things get to the worst possible outcome, and THEN I tell someone. It makes me depressed …sad …anxious… I never know what to do. Ever. I always make mistakes. Is that normal for me to make as many mistakes as I do? I don’t think it is. My mom yells at me a lot for the mistakes I make. Sometimes she says stuff she doesn’t mean…but when you say things to your daughter obviously she’s going to believe it. Its like me telling my daughter I don’t like her, but I have to love her because she’s my daughter? Wouldn’t you take that personally? I Do. I take a lot of things personally. Even when someone tells me I never do my homework. It may be true, but I take it personally. I feel like people hate me a lot of the time, like personally I feel like everyone secretly hates me. I feel like one day you’re all going to gang up on me, and hate me. I hate things too though, so its okay. I hate school. Well, I don’t hate school…I hate the work that we have to do in school. I say I hate a lot of things, but it isn’t always true. I don’t always hate things. People think I am mean when I say I hate other people..I really don’t hate them though. I just personally don’t like them. I mean, a lot of people don’t like me either. That reminds me of hypocrites. A hypocrite is a person who judges someone for something they do, but they do that same thing and don’t judge themselves for it. That’s sort of like a disorder, I guess. Oh,and I guess on a lot of things. I guess on things like work in school. I never seem to know the right answer off the top of my head. I just guess. Sometimes I have good luck with guessing, SOMETIMES= key word. Most of the time I don’t have good luck. That is one of the reasons I’m failing history, but that is my fault. I am at fault for a lot of things I complain about, you know. I complain about not having someone to talk to..I complain about that, when in reality its my fault. If I want a guy to talk to why should I put the responsibility onto them to talk to me? The reason I do that is because I’m afraid. Afraid of the outcome, what if someone doesn’t want to talk to me? I shouldn’t be so afraid all the time. That is one of my main problems, being afraid. If I’m always afraid to do things, to take chances, I’ll NEVER have anything to look back on. To say for once “I’m proud and glad I did that, even though it didn’t come out how I expected it too.” I need to stop being so scared and worried. I AM a worrier, I never worry about myself, It’s always about someone else. But no one is perfect, right? Right. Right= —->. Left=<—-. Up=^. Down=v . Ha, good thing I know my directions. Good thing I know….Things. Lots of things. Somethings I shouldn’t know, but I do know. Thank you, Thank you very much.